If you’ve ever entertained the thought that homemakers or stay-at-home parents “don’t work,” you are certainly not alone. This widespread belief stems from societal attitudes, cultural norms, and a fundamental misunderstanding of domestic labor.

There exists a notable gap in societal appreciation for the skills involved in homemaking. The often repetitive nature of these tasks can be both physically and emotionally exhausting, yet their cumulative demands frequently go unrecognized.

It is crucial to value both professional careers and the essential work performed at home equally. Every form of labor carries significant responsibilities that warrant respect and appreciation within our families and communities.

Why is it so hard to acknowledge that each legitimate profession—paid or unpaid—plays an essential role in maintaining a well-functioning society?

Let’s be honest: isn’t the “unpaid” aspect the main reason household work often lacks respect? No income, no raises, no bonuses, no promotions, coupled with limited acknowledgment—often even within our own families, including in our marriages and partnerships—contributes to this disparity. It’s essential that we shift our perspective and begin to celebrate every act of service for family life, regardless of whether it comes with financial compensation or is done for free.

It is alarming to witness the negative attitudes directed at stay-at-home parents when they discuss their roles. While it’s true that they don’t earn an income in the traditional sense, their work is vital for supporting their families and shaping their children’s lives. The prevailing notion that they “don’t work” undermines the significance of their contributions. We must challenge this misconception and actively seek ways to counteract this longstanding bias.

One powerful yet often overlooked way to initiate this change is to adopt new language—truthful and respectful terminology that honors the value, hard work, and commitment of both paid and unpaid labor. It’s essential to adjust our language to reflect the significance of all types of household contributions accurately.

To capture the diverse roles of homemakers and stay-at-home parents, I created the acronym “CHOSEN.” Each letter highlights essential qualities: C – Conscious, H – Homemaker, O – Organizer, S – Supporter, E – Educator, and N – Nurturer. This acronym underscores that the decision to manage a household is intentional and worthy of respect. While the motivations behind this choice may not always be understood by those outside the home, they stand on their own merit. Ultimately, what truly matters is the intrinsic value of the work itself.

Let’s commit to recognizing and celebrating every contribution to family life within our society. By doing so, we can cultivate a more inclusive and appreciative dialogue about the diverse roles individuals fulfill in managing a household. Using the CHOSEN framework empowers homemakers to articulate the breadth of their responsibilities with confidence. When someone inquires about their profession, they can proudly say, “I engage in CHOSEN work!”

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A few weeks ago, I created a list of 7 Positive Parenting Skills and followed that up with 6 More Positive Parenting Skills… I’m back with another! In this skill, like the others, both parent and child are viewed as holistic beings – with valued and respected minds, bodies, and spirits.

Also like the others, “Giving Choices” can be adapted for different parenting stages. A 17-month-old and a 17-year-old can both benefit.

Choices: A Positive Parenting Skill

Giving your children choices is self-explanatory: you give them different options to choose from.

Here are a couple of things to consider:

• Make sure that you limit the number of choices and adjust them according to your child’s age. The number of choices to give is somewhat arbitrary; just use your common sense. For example, a 2-year-old should only have two choices whereas a 5-year-old may have three choices, and a 16-year-old may even have more than three.

• Keep the types of choices appropriate. For example, don’t ask your child if they want a little baby sister or brother, or not. This is not a decision you hand over to a kindergartner, and quite possibly, depending on their answer, not a request you are willing to, or sometimes even can, follow through with.

There are two different types of choices. 

Choices Type #1: Possibilities

The first type of choices are the ones you are probably most familiar with – giving 2 or more different possibilities. Neither one is better than the other. You, the parent, have no preference.

Examples:

• You tell your 2-year-old: “You have two choices: Would you like to have your banana all in one piece or would you like me to cut it into slices?” or “Would you like banana slices or apple slices for snack time?”
• You tell your 5-year-old: “You have three choices: Would you like to have James, Taylor, or Ryan come over for a playdate after school today?”
• You tell your 16-year-old: “You have four choices: Do you want your first used car to be a Toyota Corolla, Subaru Outback, Honda CR-V, or Kia Sportage?”

Choices Type #2: Skill-Building

The second type of choices are the ones you are probably less familiar with – giving choices that are used in a somewhat “disciplinary/skill-building” way. In this case, I suggest you, the parent, only give two choices. 

Each one of the two choices is connected to a logical consequence. One choice is better than the other, at least according to you. The key is to not show any judgment if your child chooses the one that you least prefer. 

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