Yield2Yin

A Therapist's Advice

A Yield2Yin Approach to Life by Sara Cloostermans, MA, LMFT, LPCC

yin yoga and therapy

How Yin Yoga and Therapy Work Similarly

by Sara Cloostermans on category ,

When I started practicing yin yoga, I realized I had never come across an approach to healing that is so aligned with the approach I use when conducting therapy. The main similarity is the 3 principles of yin yoga, which is also my yield to yin approach to therapy.

Three Principles of Yin Yoga by Sarah Powers

  1. Find your edge and lean into the sensations that come up (4 or 5 out of 10 on an intensity scale – discomfort, not pain)
  2. Resolve to remain still (in the present moment, no distractions) – practice the art of stillness while taking slow, deep, meditative breaths
  3. Hold the pose and spend time in this space (typically between 3 and 5 minutes – up to 20 minutes) to yield to the sensations, feelings, and thoughts
BOTTOM-UP APPROACH TO HEALING:
healing from the primal base of the brain (brainstem, limbic system) 
= bodily sensations + feelings

Three Yield to Yin Principles of the Therapeutic Process by Sara Cloostermans

  1. Find your edge and lean into the thoughts (perceptions) and feelings (subjective experiences) that come up – (4 or 5 out of 10 on an intensity scale – uncomfortable, not retraumatizing) 
  2. Share the discomfort with your therapist, then sit with it together (in the present moment, no distractions) while both taking slow, deep, and meditative breaths
  3. Spend time in this safe holding space (up to 20 minutes) to yield to the thoughts (perceptions become observations), feelings (subjective experiences become objective experiences), and sensations (seemingly intolerable or uncomfortable sensations become tolerable or comfortable)
TOP-DOWN APPROACH TO HEALING:
healing from the cognitive frontal lobes of the brain first 
= thoughts + emotional regulation

Understanding Discomfort vs. Pain

Both physical pain AND emotional trauma are stored in our bodies and minds. If not taken care of in a gentle and loving way, they add to the development of stagnation of energy, which creates energetic blockages. It is these blockages that lead to discomfort and pain. Pain can feel so intense that it seems unmanageable and intolerable.

Working through discomfort / being uncomfortable are “growing pains.” These pains help us process and integrate our experiences, so we can let be, let go, heal, move forward, and expand.

Struggling through actual pain (6 to 10 out of 10 on an intensity scale), however, is highly discouraged since it does the opposite: it leads to chronic pain / complex trauma = “issues in the tissues.”

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What Are Chakras? Balancing Them For Well-Being

by Sara Cloostermans on category , ,

When my youngest child was one and her older brother was seven years old, back in 2005, my husband accepted a new job with a startup company, the second one in a row. If you know a little bit about the startup world, it goes without saying that he would be working crazy hours.

While your partner is gone 12-hour days or traveling 12 days every month, you are the one who has to make up the work that they are no longer able to do due to their absence; unless you have a full-time live-in nanny, I call them “the third parent,” which we did not have (I used to be one though, a full-time live-in nanny in Boston, MA, for one year in 1990, but that is a blog topic for another day). 

If your partner is working a busy schedule, you know firsthand that, by default, you now are too. All military family members reading this blog are going: “Oh yes, do I know!” 😆 (The military world is just one example, of course.) At some point in our nutty lives, we probably have all gone through periods in which our work life was so out of control that work-life “balance” or “integration” or “wholeness” was pretty much non-existent.

Anyways, I’m not complaining, just stating the obvious. It was a decision my husband and I made together at that time with the knowledge and life experience we had back then.

At the same time my husband began his new job, I stepped back into the workforce after being a stay-at-home mom for 3 years (going through an adoption process, then adopting, and then staying home with my new baby her first year). 

I accepted a position as a part-time associate therapist for a non-profit child abuse prevention and treatment agency. With me working outside of the home 3 days a week and trying to be a hands-on parent every “free” moment the rest of the time, life very quickly became overwhelming.

I knew that most of my stress did not just come from having a hard-working traveling husband who was gone a lot, but also (and mostly) from my new job. I was serving at-risk children. Some of them had been severely abused (mental, physical, and/or sexual). 

Meanwhile, I had two little ones at home. They both did not enter my life easily and effortlessly. My first child came after two failed pregnancies and my second child was adopted. Clearly, they were very much wanted and showered with love. So, as you can imagine, my new job was a lot to take in at such a vulnerable time in my own life as a young parent.

Typically, by the time I met the children and started doing play therapy with them, they were safe. But sometimes, they were still exposed to their abusive family members or other members in the household. Driving away from these kids’ homes after a session with them was brutal. Of course, I would file CPS reports, but if after an investigation, the report conclusion was “unsubstantiated,” there was nothing I could do.

When I shared my overwhelm with a friend of mine, Sally, she introduced me to the “Psychic Development Series” by Tosha Silver, which I ended up purchasing (they were still a CD set at the time!). The four-part series included chakra work: “Chakras: The Power Within.”

Here is a link to Tosha’s Psychic Development Series in case you want to buy her product.

The power and effect of doing chakra work took shape right from the beginning, so naturally, I continued using it. I started not only incorporating it in my personal life, but also in my professional life, depending on the client, and have been doing so ever since.

What Are The Seven Chakras?

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yoga rebounds

The Benefits of Using Rebounds In Everyday Life

by Sara Cloostermans on category , ,

When you’re in a yoga class, your teacher designs a whole sequence of poses, transitions, and rebounds. Poses are more obvious: Warrior 1, 2, or 3. Chaturanga. Frog pose. But I want to focus on transitions and rebounds … and how they aren’t just for the mat, but for everyday life.

Transition Poses in Yoga

This is the pose we do to move from one yoga pose into the next. A transition pose involves movement and basically prepares us for the next pose. 

Two examples of transition yoga poses are:

  1. From standing to sitting: mountain pose, transition into squat pose, drop down on your bottom, and finally sit in square pose or easy pose
  1. From downward dog to corpse pose: downward dog, transition into plank, transition into belly pose face down (prone pose), and finally flip your body to transition into corpse pose

Rebound Poses in Yoga

This is the release of the poses we just did prior to the rebound. It is a pose that offers a period of rest and elicits a relaxation response. 

Three examples of rebound yoga poses are:

  1. Savasana/corpse pose, which is the most traditional rebound pose
  1. Child’s pose (after table pose or all fours pose, for example)
  1. Staff pose (after caterpillar pose, for example)

Using Transitions and Rebounds In Everyday Life

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yin yoga benefits

Yin Yoga: The Basics & The Benefits

by Sara Cloostermans on category , ,

I had been practicing yang-style yoga for a decade and a half when I was first introduced to the benefits of yin yoga in 2015. It was a yin yoga class at Riffs Yoga Studios in Bird Rock, La Jolla, on their beautiful outdoor patio deck.

I was immediately drawn to this style of yoga because I had just recovered from a year-long neck injury. I instinctively knew a slower, more gentle yoga approach would be more appropriate for me. A “safe” practice was what I was all about after living with chronic pain for an entire year in 2014. 

Up until the start of the pandemic, I had only been practicing yoga once or twice a week in different local yoga studios. But ever since the start of the pandemic, in the beginning of 2020, this changed. 

Like most other yogis, I began practicing at home. I experienced the ease and immediacy of in-home practices and discovered a handful of incredibly inspiring and talented online yoga teachers both through YouTube and Gaia. (As if this convenience had not been available prior to the pandemic 😂). Before I knew it, I was practicing daily, up to an hour a day if time allowed.

Yin Yoga Changed My Life

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toxic gossip

Toxic Gossip: Why We Need To Give It Up For Good

by Sara Cloostermans on category ,

Co-worker gossip, family gossip, friend group gossip, school pick-up gossip, celebrity gossip, church gossip, neighborhood gossip—there’s a whole platter of “you’ll never believe what they did” to choose from. 

At some point, we all have ingested, participated in, or even instigated gossip—some of us more than others, but no one is guilt-free.

We do it even though we know we shouldn’t do it, right?

After all, gossip is all about taking someone down who cannot defend themselves. It’s one-sided. This means it’s easy, and in the moment, can feel harmless. Yet, at worst, gossip can ruin somebody’s life. Even at its best, nothing good ever comes of it. The passive communication method means there is no growth, no real solution. The same story is just repeated while nothing changes.

Why then do we do it?

Social scientist and researcher Brené Brown suggests we gossip in order to “hotwire connection.” It’s a quick and easy way to feel like we have made an instant bond with a person or group we want to connect with. It almost feels like we are being vulnerable, but actually, we are exploiting others by using their vulnerabilities, so we can feel better than them and better about ourselves.

How do we quit?

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breathe through discomfort

How To Breathe Through Discomfort or Pain

by Sara Cloostermans on category , , ,

When I work with clients as they are describing an uncomfortable or painful feeling, I ask them “where in your body are you feeling this?”  They often respond with, “What do you mean?”, “I have never thought about this, so I’m not sure,” or “I don’t think I feel anything.”

Ironically, feelings are called “feelings” because we FEEL them. If someone tells me they don’t feel anything, I inquire about their physical health and check if I can make a connection that way. If they tell me that they have no physical complaints, I ask them if they spend a lot of time in their head, and if so, we just focus on that. 

In this case, I also make sure to explain dissociation. I double check and ask again about potential physical complaints, but more specifically this time: “Do you ever suffer from headaches or migraines?”

My goal is not to be right, but to have my clients start making links between their bodies, minds, and souls, basically to approach their life holistically, so that they will be able to do the same for themselves outside of our therapy space.

Holding Our Emotions

When clients tell me that they feel as if they are “suffocating,” it is almost predictable that they hold their feelings in their throat and neck area. This makes sense, right?

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breathing meditation

Breathing Meditation For Stress Reduction 

by Sara Cloostermans on category , ,

If we are already breathing over 20,000 times per day, does slowing down and focusing on our breath actually have any impact? A detailed systematic review of medical studies showed that slow breathing techniques do indeed lead to “increased comfort, relaxation, pleasantness, vigor and alertness, and reduced symptoms of arousal, anxiety, depression, anger, and confusion”.

But how do we do it? How do we learn to control something we already do all day without giving it a second thought? (Hint: we practice!) Do we have enough time in our busy days to incorporate breathwork? (Hint: it is faster and simpler than you may think!) And do we have to be spiritual or religious to tap into this calming method? (Hint: not at all!)

Let’s look more closely at breathing meditation.

Is Focusing On Our Breathing Considered “Meditating”?

The answer is “yes,” breathing can be considered:

  • A type of meditation in and by itself (breathing meditation) or 
  • Part of another meditative exercise (guided or silent visualization meditation, for example).

Here is the definition of “meditation” pulled from Merriam-Webster:

  1. To engage in contemplation or reflection. He meditated long and hard before announcing his decision. 
  2. To engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one’s breathing or repetition of a mantra) to reach a heightened level of spiritual awareness.

I know from talking to some of my clients that the word “meditation” can feel too far off from what they consider themselves capable of doing. Don’t let the word meditation intimidate you. 

As soon as you are in silence focusing on slowing down your breathing and taking full breaths instead of rapid, shallow breaths, you are meditating. 

As soon as you are listening to a guided meditation practice on YouTube, you are meditating. 

If you are uncomfortable with the word “meditation,” because it feels disingenuous to you, just tell yourself “I am aware of my breath,” “I am focusing on my breathing,” “I am doing breathwork,” or “I am listening to a guided breathing meditation exercise” instead of “I am meditating.”

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diaphragmatic breathing

Diaphragmatic Breathing: A Calming Technique

by Sara Cloostermans on category , ,

At the end of each blog post, in my Yield2Yin section, I share a mantra for you to repeat. This is an “I am” mantra—something like “I am calmness” or “I am serenity.” Then I always suggest saying (or thinking) the mantra alongside diaphragmatic breathing. Why is this type of breath so important that it has become a fundamental aspect of my message? Let’s dive in!

What Is Diaphragmatic Breathing?

Diaphragmatic breathing (AKA: abdominal breathing, belly breathing, or pace breathing) is when you utilize your diaphragm to take a deep, slow breath. Your belly will move up and down with the breath instead of the chest.

The diaphragm is the major muscle of respiration that is located below the lungs. This dome-shaped muscle plays a crucial part in your breathing:

  • Each time you inhale and take in oxygen, your diaphragm contracts and flattens, which creates more room in your chest cavity, so your lungs can expand = YANG 
  • Each time you exhale and let out carbon dioxide, the opposite happens: your diaphragm relaxes and moves upward in your chest cavity. The space in your chest cavity gets smaller and air is forced out of your lungs and windpipe, and then out of your nose or mouth = YIN

Belly breathing is something that we were able to do automatically from the moment we were born. It is not until later, as we get older and life stressors continue to pile up without being addressed, that we start taking shorter and more rapid breaths, which no longer allow for complete oxygen exchange. Shallow and restricted breathing activates the sympathetic nervous system = fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. 

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boundaries

Respecting The V: A Boundaries Tool

by Sara Cloostermans on category , ,

Figuring out boundaries can be hard. We know we need them, but our inner monologue is confusing: How much is enough? How much is too much? Where do I start? What if it leads to missed opportunities? What if I hurt somebody’s feelings in the process? 

Learning simple tools or skills along the way can make creating and maintaining boundaries easier. One tool to add to your toolbox is something I like to call “Respecting The V.” It’s especially great for those who like a good visual.

“Respecting The V” is simple. Think about a V shape. The bottom of a V is closed, the two lines touch completely and there is no space between them. As you go up the V, the two lines slowly and evenly open up.

That model is a great way to begin and evolve your boundaries. You start with the teeniest tiniest amount of openness. As time goes on and the other person or institution earns your trust, you can start moving up the V, adding more space and flexibility.

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7 Things To Remember When Someone You Love Is Dying

by Sara Cloostermans on category ,

Even though many people experience at least one or two great losses over the course of their lives, that doesn’t mean you know what to do or how to think or feel when you’re in the midst of bereavement—or expecting upcoming loss.

If you are feeling confused, emotional, numb, angry, distracted, etc., that is all considered completely normal. There is not a singular correct way to process an upcoming death. There are, though, a few truths that can help guide you and center you throughout this painful time when someone you love is dying.

1. Loss is universal and unpredictable—be grateful for the day-to-day little joys

We will likely experience several significant losses at different points in our life. Unless we die first of course, but let’s not do that 😉.  There is no easy way around loss if you think about it since the only options are either dying first or surviving people we deeply care about. 

I look at my in-laws—both in their eighties and in good health. When people comment on their old age, my father-in-law says, “better than the alternative.” True, but think of how many losses both have experienced. They have survived parents, siblings, friends, including some of their best childhood friends, close neighbors, former coworkers who became friends, and so on. The truth is we either die young and experience little to no loss, we die old and experience lots of loss, or we end up somewhere between the two on the “age-of-death continuum,” and still experience a fair amount of loss.

Ideally, in a “fair” world, we want loss to happen in chronological order, the oldest dying first, yet we know that is not the case.

Maybe the answer to loss is to accept mortality, including the “randomness” and “unfairness” of it all and, as we are going through the stages of grief, to find ways to practice gratitude for the small joys in everyday life.

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Spark in stillness
Soul in silence
✕