Yield2Yin

A Therapist's Advice

A Yield2Yin Approach to Life by Sara Cloostermans, MA, LMFT, LPCC

finding calm

Push Pause: Finding Calm After An Emotional Storm

by Sara Cloostermans on category , ,

Think back to the last time something was really hard for you. Maybe you were stressed out or angry, overwhelmed or sad. Then think about the very next thing you had to do that day. Maybe it was something fun, maybe it wasn’t. Either way, was it easy to switch from swimming in a difficult feeling to crossing off the next item on your to-do list?

Probably not.

After something hard happens (a storm), we need to learn to push pause and find calm. That way we can more easily, and more peacefully, move on to the next activity in our day with awareness and mindfulness.

The way I suggest finding calm is by incorporating a yin activity. Think of yin and yang—the energies we hope to balance in our lives. We associate yin with being, slowing down, deactivating. Yang is associated with doing, quickening, activating. If you’re already at a place of high emotion or distress, going straight into more yang is not going to calm you down even if that activity is fun. But by choosing to focus on yin for a moment, we can find a more neutral zone. Then we can move on with the day.

…

Read On

yin and the nervous system

The Power of Yin and The Nervous System

by Sara Cloostermans on category , , , ,

Just about everything you’ve done, thought, or felt today has been controlled by your body’s nervous system. Movement, emotions, stress response, healing, sleep, breath, senses, aging, digestion—all happening thanks to this central command center.

Now, think about how many of those factors play into your mental wellbeing! 

Your nervous system is responsible for the “fight or flight” response—one we are all too familiar with in today’s world. Not because many of us ever need to run from a hungry lion, but because of the hectic, high-stress lifestyle that’s become the norm. 

Your nervous system has another function that doesn’t get as much attention as it should: “rest and digest.” This is the calm down. The healing and repairing function. The self-care. Our culture often brushes this side off as unnecessary, or even weak and lazy. 

But if we want a healthy body and mind, we must pay attention to the power of yin and the nervous system.

…

Read On

yin and yang

About Yin and Yang | Balancing Being and Doing

by Sara Cloostermans on category , , , ,

You’ve no doubt seen the yin/yang symbol before. Maybe in a yoga studio, on a t-shirt, or even tattooed onto the ankle of somebody you know. But do you really know what it means? Let’s dive into the deep meaning of the ancient yin and yang to see how understanding its balance can lead you to a more balanced life.

Yin/Yang: The Basics

The yin/yang symbol is a symbol rooted in Daoism/Taoism, an ancient Chinese philosophy. The yin side is the dark swirl and the yang side is the light swirl. The two swirls combined represent Qi (pronounced CHē). Qi is said to be the source of all creation and to hold all aspects of life, including our life force. 

Boiled down to its essence, yang represents the “doing” parts of life and yin represents the “being” parts of life. 

…

Read On

cannot have it all

We Cannot Have It All

by Sara Cloostermans on category , , ,

As a society, we’ve created this narrative that if you dream big and work hard, you can have it all. Well, I’m about to pop that bubble. You cannot have it all. At least, not at the same time.

Here’s the truth: nobody can escape the fact that each of us only has 24 hours in the day. 

We also can’t escape the need for sleep. I know our culture glorifies people who “get by” with four hours, but that mindset is killing us. Decades of research connect poor sleep with heart attack, heart failure, increased blood pressure, stroke, diabetes, lowered immune function, obesity, and accidents. Even if poor sleep doesn’t kill you, it wrecks mental health, relationships, and even productivity.

So 7-8 hours of sleep leaves us with 16-17 hours a day to work with. How shall we spend them? What can we do with the time that is left? We can do just about anything except for everything. 

We only have so much emotional bandwidth, so much mental capacity, and so much physical energy. Guess what that means? You cannot do everything and be everything to everyone.

Anybody who sells you the idea that if you were just better at XYZ then you could do all of the things all of the time has no concept of what it means to be human. Knowing limits and setting boundaries around time is not laziness. It’s the only way to live a wholehearted and healthy life.

We must pick and choose. There are times we must sacrifice what we want (or often, what we think we should want) for what we want more. When we fail to do this, we run ourselves ragged, always on the “hamster wheel,” never taking care of ourselves, and not giving our best to others.

…

Read On

negative thoughts

Can Feeling Distressed About Negative Thoughts Be Good?

by Sara Cloostermans on category

We all have unwanted, negative thoughts. Sad thoughts, angering thoughts, critical thoughts, scary thoughts. When you experience them frequently enough, it can feel distressing.

  • Why am I thinking this? 
  • Why can’t I just be more positive?
  • Is there something wrong with me?

The problem is not that you are distressed by negative thoughts. In fact, that’s actually what you want to feel. Sound confusing?

We are going to look at why feeling distressed about negative thoughts is a good thing. But don’t worry. We won’t linger in the distress. We’re also going to talk about ways to cope with negative thoughts.

…

Read On

reframe your thoughts

Learn How To Reframe Your Thoughts

by Sara Cloostermans on category ,

You are probably talking to yourself way more than you realize. In fact, researchers believe most of us have over 6,000 thoughts each day. 

  • Some of our thoughts are neutral (“I’ll park in this parking space.”).
  • Some are positive (“Wow! I can’t believe I did that so quickly!).
  • But we also know some are negative (“You’re such an idiot!”).

While we can’t control what thoughts pop into our heads, we can control how we respond to negative, unwanted thoughts. And we can practice techniques to help us increase life-affirming thoughts and decrease distressing thoughts. 

One simple tool is reframing. Instead of shaming yourself for a negative thought (which is often just adding shame upon shame), you can take a moment, look at the situation differently, and talk to yourself with respect and curiosity.

Why Reframe Your Thoughts?

…

Read On

evaluate unwanted thoughts

How To Evaluate Unwanted Thoughts (& Why You Should)

by Sara Cloostermans on category

You may have noticed that you talk to yourself all day long, which is what we often refer to as your “inner voice” or “self-talk.” The way you talk to yourself is ideally constructive, sometimes even healing, but usually neutral and harmless. 

Unfortunately, however, self-talk can also be critical and destructive. 

Because your thoughts have such a strong impact on your overall well-being, it is important to pay attention to them, especially the negative ones. If you are someone who is particularly hard on yourself and would like to start treating yourself more kindly, now is as good a time as any to become more mindful of your internal dialogue.

How To Evaluate Your Unwanted Thoughts

Here’s a simple system to evaluate your negative thoughts, Ask & Gauge:

…

Read On

emotional balance

Finding Emotional Balance

by Sara Cloostermans on category , ,

As a culture, we tend to put the emotional and the rational into two separate boxes and keep them miles apart. 

“She can’t lead this company; she’s too emotional.”

“He can’t comfort his crying kids; he’s a ‘facts and figures’ kind of guy.”

Not only do we separate them entirely, but we also place them in a hierarchy.

Logic and reason are placed above feelings and intuition time and time again. When people display emotion, we categorize them as hysterical, hyper-sensitive, weak. When emotions are hidden, we applaud people as being “so strong.” We still put a higher value on physical body care than mental health care. 

Do you know what this separateness and hierarchy does? It makes emotions confusing for people. Because the truth is … OF COURSE you will have emotions. You’re a person. So, where is their proper place? How much is enough but not too much? Are they the enemy of rationality?

At our best, these forces will not be at war with each other, but harmonize with and ultimately strengthen one another. One is not more important than the other. How we respond to them and how we balance them is where the magic happens. Going too far in either extreme can lead to suffering.

  • When we downplay our emotions, stuff them, and don’t listen to them, we are in trouble.
  • When we overplay our emotions, ceaselessly live in them, and feel trapped by them, we are also in trouble.

So, how do we honor our emotions without living perpetually on an emotional rollercoaster? How do we find emotional balance?

…

Read On

helper's high

Helper’s High: Doing Good Is Good For You

by Sara Cloostermans on category ,

Humans are social. We need each other. We’ve all heard the refrain “I get by with a little help from my friends,” but the opposite is just as true: we also get by when we help our friends.

Person A needs some help. Person B offers that help. Person A feels better because … well … they got what they needed. But Person B feels better too. 

This phenomenon is “The Helper’s High” or “The Happiness Trifecta.”

The Science Behind The Helper’s High

When people help others, the brain releases chemicals that make them feel good (source) (source).  These three hormones are:

…

Read On

how to change | stages of change

Feeling Stuck? “The Stages of Change” Can Help

by Sara Cloostermans on category , ,

How many of us go through our days either oblivious to or expertly avoiding positive change we need to make for a more fulfilling and wholehearted life? At least most of us at some point, right?

Or how about this common story? We finally decide to pay attention and recognize our issues, but we get stuck. We need to lose weight, improve relationships, set boundaries, spend more time with the kids, go back to school, quit a substance, go to therapy. We’re full of good intentions right at the start. You get the at-home gym equipment, you pour the alcohol down the drain … and then … nothing … you’re back to where you started.

Why is successful and stable change hard?

Well, the good news is … it’s not just you. 

…

Read On

Spark in stillness
Soul in silence
✕