Yield2Yin

A Therapist's Advice

A Yield2Yin Approach to Life by Sara Cloostermans, MA, LMFT, LPCC

Lifestyle Secrets

yin and yang

About Yin and Yang | Balancing Being and Doing

by Sara Cloostermans on category , , , ,

You’ve no doubt seen the yin/yang symbol before. Maybe in a yoga studio, on a t-shirt, or even tattooed onto the ankle of somebody you know. But do you really know what it means? Let’s dive into the deep meaning of the ancient yin and yang to see how understanding its balance can lead you to a more balanced life.

Yin/Yang: The Basics

The yin/yang symbol is a symbol rooted in Daoism/Taoism, an ancient Chinese philosophy. The yin side is the dark swirl and the yang side is the light swirl. The two swirls combined represent Qi (pronounced CHē). Qi is said to be the source of all creation and to hold all aspects of life, including our life force. 

Boiled down to its essence, yang represents the “doing” parts of life and yin represents the “being” parts of life. 

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cannot have it all

We Cannot Have It All

by Sara Cloostermans on category , , ,

As a society, we’ve created this narrative that if you dream big and work hard, you can have it all. Well, I’m about to pop that bubble. You cannot have it all. At least, not at the same time.

Here’s the truth: nobody can escape the fact that each of us only has 24 hours in the day. 

We also can’t escape the need for sleep. I know our culture glorifies people who “get by” with four hours, but that mindset is killing us. Decades of research connect poor sleep with heart attack, heart failure, increased blood pressure, stroke, diabetes, lowered immune function, obesity, and accidents. Even if poor sleep doesn’t kill you, it wrecks mental health, relationships, and even productivity.

So 7-8 hours of sleep leaves us with 16-17 hours a day to work with. How shall we spend them? What can we do with the time that is left? We can do just about anything except for everything. 

We only have so much emotional bandwidth, so much mental capacity, and so much physical energy. Guess what that means? You cannot do everything and be everything to everyone.

Anybody who sells you the idea that if you were just better at XYZ then you could do all of the things all of the time has no concept of what it means to be human. Knowing limits and setting boundaries around time is not laziness. It’s the only way to live a wholehearted and healthy life.

We must pick and choose. There are times we must sacrifice what we want (or often, what we think we should want) for what we want more. When we fail to do this, we run ourselves ragged, always on the “hamster wheel,” never taking care of ourselves, and not giving our best to others.

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helper's high

Helper’s High: Doing Good Is Good For You

by Sara Cloostermans on category ,

Humans are social. We need each other. We’ve all heard the refrain “I get by with a little help from my friends,” but the opposite is just as true: we also get by when we help our friends.

Person A needs some help. Person B offers that help. Person A feels better because … well … they got what they needed. But Person B feels better too. 

This phenomenon is “The Helper’s High” or “The Happiness Trifecta.”

The Science Behind The Helper’s High

When people help others, the brain releases chemicals that make them feel good (source) (source).  These three hormones are:

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how to change | stages of change

Feeling Stuck? “The Stages of Change” Can Help

by Sara Cloostermans on category , ,

How many of us go through our days either oblivious to or expertly avoiding positive change we need to make for a more fulfilling and wholehearted life? At least most of us at some point, right?

Or how about this common story? We finally decide to pay attention and recognize our issues, but we get stuck. We need to lose weight, improve relationships, set boundaries, spend more time with the kids, go back to school, quit a substance, go to therapy. We’re full of good intentions right at the start. You get the at-home gym equipment, you pour the alcohol down the drain … and then … nothing … you’re back to where you started.

Why is successful and stable change hard?

Well, the good news is … it’s not just you. 

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change

Don’t Forget Change Requires Change

by Sara Cloostermans on category , ,

We all understand that life brings change. We go from college full-time to working full-time to switching careers. We were single and then we were coupled and then maybe single again. We have healthy parents, then aging parents, then someday they’re gone. Everything from government stability to the elasticity of our skin changes. 

Many of us can get that part, whether we like the truth of it or not.

What we tend to struggle with, though, is our reaction to change. We forget that change requires change. What worked for us before may not work for us after. Unless we learn to flow with the change of tides and grow with the change of seasons, we will get stuck. Then we will get sick. 

Life Throws Curveballs

Here’s a scenario:

After having your first baby, you create a new rhythm. You finally find the right nanny and figure out the ideal work schedule to flow with your new life schedule. It’s harder than it was before, sure, but you’re managing parenthood, career, friendships, housework, etc.

When baby #2 is on the way, you may think: “I’m already a parent. I’m already in #momlife or #dadlife. I already have the nanny, the work schedule, the housework schedule, the parent friends, and the baby gear. I’ve got this.”

But then you’re six months into raising this beautiful, brand new baby #2 and everything is a mess. 

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Spark in stillness
Soul in silence
✕