Yield2Yin

A Therapist's Advice

A Yield2Yin Approach to Life by Sara Cloostermans, MA, LMFT, LPCC

Heartfulness | Mindfulness

breathe through discomfort

How To Breathe Through Discomfort or Pain

by Sara Cloostermans on category , , ,

When I work with clients as they are describing an uncomfortable or painful feeling, I ask them “where in your body are you feeling this?”  They often respond with, “What do you mean?”, “I have never thought about this, so I’m not sure,” or “I don’t think I feel anything.”

Ironically, feelings are called “feelings” because we FEEL them. If someone tells me they don’t feel anything, I inquire about their physical health and check if I can make a connection that way. If they tell me that they have no physical complaints, I ask them if they spend a lot of time in their head, and if so, we just focus on that. 

In this case, I also make sure to explain dissociation. I double check and ask again about potential physical complaints, but more specifically this time: “Do you ever suffer from headaches or migraines?”

My goal is not to be right, but to have my clients start making links between their bodies, minds, and souls, basically to approach their life holistically, so that they will be able to do the same for themselves outside of our therapy space.

Holding Our Emotions

When clients tell me that they feel as if they are “suffocating,” it is almost predictable that they hold their feelings in their throat and neck area. This makes sense, right?

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breathing meditation

Breathing Meditation For Stress Reduction 

by Sara Cloostermans on category , ,

If we are already breathing over 20,000 times per day, does slowing down and focusing on our breath actually have any impact? A detailed systematic review of medical studies showed that slow breathing techniques do indeed lead to “increased comfort, relaxation, pleasantness, vigor and alertness, and reduced symptoms of arousal, anxiety, depression, anger, and confusion”.

But how do we do it? How do we learn to control something we already do all day without giving it a second thought? (Hint: we practice!) Do we have enough time in our busy days to incorporate breathwork? (Hint: it is faster and simpler than you may think!) And do we have to be spiritual or religious to tap into this calming method? (Hint: not at all!)

Let’s look more closely at breathing meditation.

Is Focusing On Our Breathing Considered “Meditating”?

The answer is “yes,” breathing can be considered:

  • A type of meditation in and by itself (breathing meditation) or 
  • Part of another meditative exercise (guided or silent visualization meditation, for example).

Here is the definition of “meditation” pulled from Merriam-Webster:

  1. To engage in contemplation or reflection. He meditated long and hard before announcing his decision. 
  2. To engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one’s breathing or repetition of a mantra) to reach a heightened level of spiritual awareness.

I know from talking to some of my clients that the word “meditation” can feel too far off from what they consider themselves capable of doing. Don’t let the word meditation intimidate you. 

As soon as you are in silence focusing on slowing down your breathing and taking full breaths instead of rapid, shallow breaths, you are meditating. 

As soon as you are listening to a guided meditation practice on YouTube, you are meditating. 

If you are uncomfortable with the word “meditation,” because it feels disingenuous to you, just tell yourself “I am aware of my breath,” “I am focusing on my breathing,” “I am doing breathwork,” or “I am listening to a guided breathing meditation exercise” instead of “I am meditating.”

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diaphragmatic breathing

Diaphragmatic Breathing: A Calming Technique

by Sara Cloostermans on category , ,

At the end of each blog post, in my Yield2Yin section, I share a mantra for you to repeat. This is an “I am” mantra—something like “I am calmness” or “I am serenity.” Then I always suggest saying (or thinking) the mantra alongside diaphragmatic breathing. Why is this type of breath so important that it has become a fundamental aspect of my message? Let’s dive in!

What Is Diaphragmatic Breathing?

Diaphragmatic breathing (AKA: abdominal breathing, belly breathing, or pace breathing) is when you utilize your diaphragm to take a deep, slow breath. Your belly will move up and down with the breath instead of the chest.

The diaphragm is the major muscle of respiration that is located below the lungs. This dome-shaped muscle plays a crucial part in your breathing:

  • Each time you inhale and take in oxygen, your diaphragm contracts and flattens, which creates more room in your chest cavity, so your lungs can expand = YANG 
  • Each time you exhale and let out carbon dioxide, the opposite happens: your diaphragm relaxes and moves upward in your chest cavity. The space in your chest cavity gets smaller and air is forced out of your lungs and windpipe, and then out of your nose or mouth = YIN

Belly breathing is something that we were able to do automatically from the moment we were born. It is not until later, as we get older and life stressors continue to pile up without being addressed, that we start taking shorter and more rapid breaths, which no longer allow for complete oxygen exchange. Shallow and restricted breathing activates the sympathetic nervous system = fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. 

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finding calm

Push Pause: Finding Calm After An Emotional Storm

by Sara Cloostermans on category , ,

Think back to the last time something was really hard for you. Maybe you were stressed out or angry, overwhelmed or sad. Then think about the very next thing you had to do that day. Maybe it was something fun, maybe it wasn’t. Either way, was it easy to switch from swimming in a difficult feeling to crossing off the next item on your to-do list?

Probably not.

After something hard happens (a storm), we need to learn to push pause and find calm. That way we can more easily, and more peacefully, move on to the next activity in our day with awareness and mindfulness.

The way I suggest finding calm is by incorporating a yin activity. Think of yin and yang—the energies we hope to balance in our lives. We associate yin with being, slowing down, deactivating. Yang is associated with doing, quickening, activating. If you’re already at a place of high emotion or distress, going straight into more yang is not going to calm you down even if that activity is fun. But by choosing to focus on yin for a moment, we can find a more neutral zone. Then we can move on with the day.

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yin and the nervous system

The Power of Yin and The Nervous System

by Sara Cloostermans on category , , , ,

Just about everything you’ve done, thought, or felt today has been controlled by your body’s nervous system. Movement, emotions, stress response, healing, sleep, breath, senses, aging, digestion—all happening thanks to this central command center.

Now, think about how many of those factors play into your mental wellbeing! 

Your nervous system is responsible for the “fight or flight” response—one we are all too familiar with in today’s world. Not because many of us ever need to run from a hungry lion, but because of the hectic, high-stress lifestyle that’s become the norm. 

Your nervous system has another function that doesn’t get as much attention as it should: “rest and digest.” This is the calm down. The healing and repairing function. The self-care. Our culture often brushes this side off as unnecessary, or even weak and lazy. 

But if we want a healthy body and mind, we must pay attention to the power of yin and the nervous system.

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yin and yang

About Yin and Yang | Balancing Being and Doing

by Sara Cloostermans on category , , , ,

You’ve no doubt seen the yin/yang symbol before. Maybe in a yoga studio, on a t-shirt, or even tattooed onto the ankle of somebody you know. But do you really know what it means? Let’s dive into the deep meaning of the ancient yin and yang to see how understanding its balance can lead you to a more balanced life.

Yin/Yang: The Basics

The yin/yang symbol is a symbol rooted in Daoism/Taoism, an ancient Chinese philosophy. The yin side is the dark swirl and the yang side is the light swirl. The two swirls combined represent Qi (pronounced CHē). Qi is said to be the source of all creation and to hold all aspects of life, including our life force. 

Boiled down to its essence, yang represents the “doing” parts of life and yin represents the “being” parts of life. 

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cannot have it all

We Cannot Have It All

by Sara Cloostermans on category , , ,

As a society, we’ve created this narrative that if you dream big and work hard, you can have it all. Well, I’m about to pop that bubble. You cannot have it all. At least, not at the same time.

Here’s the truth: nobody can escape the fact that each of us only has 24 hours in the day. 

We also can’t escape the need for sleep. I know our culture glorifies people who “get by” with four hours, but that mindset is killing us. Decades of research connect poor sleep with heart attack, heart failure, increased blood pressure, stroke, diabetes, lowered immune function, obesity, and accidents. Even if poor sleep doesn’t kill you, it wrecks mental health, relationships, and even productivity.

So 7-8 hours of sleep leaves us with 16-17 hours a day to work with. How shall we spend them? What can we do with the time that is left? We can do just about anything except for everything. 

We only have so much emotional bandwidth, so much mental capacity, and so much physical energy. Guess what that means? You cannot do everything and be everything to everyone.

Anybody who sells you the idea that if you were just better at XYZ then you could do all of the things all of the time has no concept of what it means to be human. Knowing limits and setting boundaries around time is not laziness. It’s the only way to live a wholehearted and healthy life.

We must pick and choose. There are times we must sacrifice what we want (or often, what we think we should want) for what we want more. When we fail to do this, we run ourselves ragged, always on the “hamster wheel,” never taking care of ourselves, and not giving our best to others.

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reframe your thoughts

Learn How To Reframe Your Thoughts

by Sara Cloostermans on category ,

You are probably talking to yourself way more than you realize. In fact, researchers believe most of us have over 6,000 thoughts each day. 

  • Some of our thoughts are neutral (“I’ll park in this parking space.”).
  • Some are positive (“Wow! I can’t believe I did that so quickly!).
  • But we also know some are negative (“You’re such an idiot!”).

While we can’t control what thoughts pop into our heads, we can control how we respond to negative, unwanted thoughts. And we can practice techniques to help us increase life-affirming thoughts and decrease distressing thoughts. 

One simple tool is reframing. Instead of shaming yourself for a negative thought (which is often just adding shame upon shame), you can take a moment, look at the situation differently, and talk to yourself with respect and curiosity.

Why Reframe Your Thoughts?

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emotional balance

Finding Emotional Balance

by Sara Cloostermans on category , ,

As a culture, we tend to put the emotional and the rational into two separate boxes and keep them miles apart. 

“She can’t lead this company; she’s too emotional.”

“He can’t comfort his crying kids; he’s a ‘facts and figures’ kind of guy.”

Not only do we separate them entirely, but we also place them in a hierarchy.

Logic and reason are placed above feelings and intuition time and time again. When people display emotion, we categorize them as hysterical, hyper-sensitive, weak. When emotions are hidden, we applaud people as being “so strong.” We still put a higher value on physical body care than mental health care. 

Do you know what this separateness and hierarchy does? It makes emotions confusing for people. Because the truth is … OF COURSE you will have emotions. You’re a person. So, where is their proper place? How much is enough but not too much? Are they the enemy of rationality?

At our best, these forces will not be at war with each other, but harmonize with and ultimately strengthen one another. One is not more important than the other. How we respond to them and how we balance them is where the magic happens. Going too far in either extreme can lead to suffering.

  • When we downplay our emotions, stuff them, and don’t listen to them, we are in trouble.
  • When we overplay our emotions, ceaselessly live in them, and feel trapped by them, we are also in trouble.

So, how do we honor our emotions without living perpetually on an emotional rollercoaster? How do we find emotional balance?

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how to change | stages of change

Feeling Stuck? “The Stages of Change” Can Help

by Sara Cloostermans on category , ,

How many of us go through our days either oblivious to or expertly avoiding positive change we need to make for a more fulfilling and wholehearted life? At least most of us at some point, right?

Or how about this common story? We finally decide to pay attention and recognize our issues, but we get stuck. We need to lose weight, improve relationships, set boundaries, spend more time with the kids, go back to school, quit a substance, go to therapy. We’re full of good intentions right at the start. You get the at-home gym equipment, you pour the alcohol down the drain … and then … nothing … you’re back to where you started.

Why is successful and stable change hard?

Well, the good news is … it’s not just you. 

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Spark in stillness
Soul in silence
✕