The Hidden Workforce: Acknowledging the Invisible Labor of CHOSEN Work

If you’ve ever entertained the thought that homemakers or stay-at-home parents “don’t work,” you are certainly not alone. This widespread belief stems from societal attitudes, cultural norms, and a fundamental misunderstanding of domestic labor.

There exists a notable gap in societal appreciation for the skills involved in homemaking. The often repetitive nature of these tasks can be both physically and emotionally exhausting, yet their cumulative demands frequently go unrecognized.

It is crucial to value both professional careers and the essential work performed at home equally. Every form of labor carries significant responsibilities that warrant respect and appreciation within our families and communities.

Why is it so hard to acknowledge that each legitimate profession—paid or unpaid—plays an essential role in maintaining a well-functioning society?

Let’s be honest: isn’t the “unpaid” aspect the main reason household work often lacks respect? No income, no raises, no bonuses, no promotions, coupled with limited acknowledgment—often even within our own families, including in our marriages and partnerships—contributes to this disparity. It’s essential that we shift our perspective and begin to celebrate every act of service for family life, regardless of whether it comes with financial compensation or is done for free.

It is alarming to witness the negative attitudes directed at stay-at-home parents when they discuss their roles. While it’s true that they don’t earn an income in the traditional sense, their work is vital for supporting their families and shaping their children’s lives. The prevailing notion that they “don’t work” undermines the significance of their contributions. We must challenge this misconception and actively seek ways to counteract this longstanding bias.

One powerful yet often overlooked way to initiate this change is to adopt new language—truthful and respectful terminology that honors the value, hard work, and commitment of both paid and unpaid labor. It’s essential to adjust our language to reflect the significance of all types of household contributions accurately.

To capture the diverse roles of homemakers and stay-at-home parents, I created the acronym “CHOSEN.” Each letter highlights essential qualities: C – Conscious, H – Homemaker, O – Organizer, S – Supporter, E – Educator, and N – Nurturer. This acronym underscores that the decision to manage a household is intentional and worthy of respect. While the motivations behind this choice may not always be understood by those outside the home, they stand on their own merit. Ultimately, what truly matters is the intrinsic value of the work itself.

Let’s commit to recognizing and celebrating every contribution to family life within our society. By doing so, we can cultivate a more inclusive and appreciative dialogue about the diverse roles individuals fulfill in managing a household. Using the CHOSEN framework empowers homemakers to articulate the breadth of their responsibilities with confidence. When someone inquires about their profession, they can proudly say, “I engage in CHOSEN work!”

Defining CHOSEN

Conscious: Every day, you make intentional choices that shape your family’s environment and values.
Homemaker: You create a warm and protective home that is foundational to your children’s development.
Organizer: You organize schedules, activities, and responsibilities, ensuring that everything runs smoothly.
Supporter: You provide emotional and physical support to your family, helping them thrive through life’s ups and downs.
Educator: You play an important role in your children’s learning, teaching them valuable life skills and knowledge.
Nurturer: You build strong relationships and instill a sense of security, love, and confidence in your children.

Breaking Down the Misconception: CHOSEN Workers “Don’t Really Work”

A common misconception is the assumption that one must contribute financially to the family income in order to be considered as “working.” However, what if the cost of daycare or preschool exceeds what a parent might earn, especially for families with two or more young children? Or what if some families who have faced years of infertility decide for one parent to focus on CHOSEN work simply out of personal preference?

Ironically, it is often women who undermine other women’s choices, with those in paid employment disparaging stay-at-home moms by claiming, “I do all that work, plus I have a professional job!” This narrative is misleading. You cannot coach a little league baseball team immediately after school while simultaneously running a team meeting. You cannot go on a business trip and physically tuck your child in at night. Engaging in tasks that require full attention, such as writing a grant proposal or baking muffins for a class snack, cannot be done simultaneously. Acknowledging this truth is essential to ending the so-called “mommy wars.” While I recognize that navigating a challenging work schedule is not easy, being present at a parent-teacher conference fundamentally means you are prioritizing your child over your paid position during that time.

Having a paid job for 40+ hours a week means there are tasks and responsibilities at home that are not being managed during that period. In contrast, stay-at-home parents take on those duties and manage the household in ways that working parents may have to drop due to differing priorities. Both roles are valid and demanding in their own right. It’s crucial not to project frustration about societal support—or the lack thereof—toward those who have chosen to stay home with their children. Having experienced both roles, I can attest that neither is inherently easier than the other. However, the organization, planning, and support systems required in a paid position are often far more pronounced.

It’s important to understand that each family makes decisions based on their unique circumstances and values, even if those decisions differ from our own. Work comes in many forms, and whether it’s compensated or not, it holds equal worth. We should stop referring to those who stay home to care for their families as if they aren’t contributing; their efforts can be as demanding, if not more so, than those in paid positions (e.g., colicky infants, toddlers going through the “terrible twos” or “threenage years”, angsty teens refusing to go to school, etc.).

1. The Misunderstood Value of Labor

Forever, society has placed great value on paid employment, often sidelining the value of unpaid labor. This bias leads many of us to overlook the giant effort involved in managing a household and raising children. After all, household management is not just about keeping a clean house; it’s about creating a nurturing and thriving environment for all family members living under the same roof.

2. The Invisible Work

One of the biggest challenges faced by CHOSEN workers is the invisibility of their labor. When you go into an office, your contributions are easily measured and seen by others. But the hours spent cooking, cleaning, caregiving, and organizing often go unnoticed. As a matter of fact, even after all these hours, the house can still look worse at the end of any given workday than at the start of that day, depending on many potential unforeseen circumstances (tackling plumbing issues, car trouble, sick child, mailing back packages, etc.). This can create a sense of discredit around the countless tasks that keep a home running smoothly, and let’s be real, often just running.

3. Cultural Norms and Gender Roles

In many cultures, traditional gender roles have led to the assumption that homemaking is simply a duty predominantly carried out by women—something that shouldn’t even require acknowledgment. In the United States, this mindset is particularly prevalent. Most people refer to CHOSEN workers as “She doesn’t work,” or “She hasn’t worked a day in her life; he makes all the money,” regardless of everything she has accomplished over many years, often decades, of CHOSEN work in the family home.

4. Economic Metrics and Their Limitations

Let’s talk numbers. Discussions about economic contributions often zero in on measured outputs like GDP. Unfortunately, this focus completely disregards unpaid labor, such as CHOSEN employment. This leads many to believe that if it isn’t generating income, it’s not “real” work. This perspective can have damaging undertones, suggesting that worth is tied solely to financial gain, leaving CHOSEN workers undervalued and underappreciated.

5. Societal Stereotypes

Stereotypes can be deceiving. There’s a prevailing myth that people with CHOSEN jobs contribute significantly less to society, which overlooks the complex skills required to manage a household effectively. Most of the time, these stereotypes disproportionately affect women who have chosen to stay home. It’s time we start recognizing the many talents involved in this equally important role.

6. Work-Life Balance: A Double-Edged Sword

In today’s fast-paced world, there’s a lot of talk about achieving work-life balance. However, this conversation sometimes fails to recognize that the work done at home is just as important as what’s done in a paid job. Whether it’s juggling twins in a double jogger while running a dog or ensuring everyone arrives at their appointments—these tasks require energy, commitment, and a tremendous amount of mental load.

Cultivating Change

To correct the misconception that CHOSEN employment isn’t “real” work, we need to elevate the conversation around CHOSEN responsibilities. Here’s how:

Promote Awareness: Highlighting the skills, time, and effort involved in managing CHOSEN employment can help shift perspectives. Who volunteers at the kids’ schools, organizes playdates, or manages family schedules?

Value Unpaid Work: Advocating for recognition and respect of all forms of labor—paid or unpaid—helps foster a more inclusive understanding of contributions to society.

Share Experiences: Encouraging people with CHOSEN jobs to share their stories can provide a more accurate representation of their vital role in family and community life.

Support One Another: Putting an end to the “mommy wars” and supporting individual choices about how to organize home life, whether parents are full-time CHOSEN workers, part-time, or fully immersed in the paid labor force.

Correct Each Other: Next time you hear someone say, “She doesn’t work,” correcting them and saying, “It is my understanding that she does CHOSEN work.”

I was inspired to write this blog because I am frustrated by the perception that stay-at-home parents are often dismissed as “not working.” It’s disheartening to hear both others and even homemakers themselves say, “I don’t work” when asked about their careers. Moving forward, I hope to encourage them to proudly identify as stay-at-home parents engaged in meaningful CHOSEN work.

Let’s applaud the hard work of CHOSEN laborers everywhere. Their contributions are crucial for the well-being of families and communities, even if they often happen behind the scenes. When we recognize the value of all work—paid or unpaid—we can help shift the narrative and foster a culture of appreciation. Unfortunately, money holds power, but we can change our perceptions and empower everyone, regardless of the type of employment they have chosen!