Yield2Yin

A Therapist's Advice

A Yield2Yin Approach to Life by Sara Cloostermans, MA, LMFT, LPCC

grief and loss techniques

Grief and Loss

Do’s and Don’ts—What To Say and Not To Say To a Grieving Person

**by Sara Cloostermans

  1. Don’t ask probing questions. Do ask general open-ended questions.
  2. Don’t ask narcissistic questions. Do ask caring selfless questions.
  3. Don’t make insensitive remarks. Do make sensitive comments or, if you don’t know what to say, stay quiet.
  4. Don’t check in “between the soup and the potatoes.”  Do schedule uninterrupted time when you check in.
  5. Don’t assume the deceased’s old age necessarily diminishes the pain. Do acknowledge the pain of the loss regardless of the age of the deceased.
  6. Don’t show videos of the deceased shortly after they died. Do share photographs of the deceased and talk about the memories they bring up.
  7. Don’t minimize someone’s grieving experience. Do stay on the cautious side of things and lean towards exaggerating rather than underestimating someone’s pain and sorrow.
  8. Don’t point out that someone is a novice at grieving. Do validate the stage in their grieving process that they are in.
  9. Don’t use terms such as “getting over” or “finding closure” in reference to the time when grief and loss has or will become more tolerable. Do acknowledge that the grieving person will grieve forever.
  10. Don’t use the term “moved on” in reference to someone finding a new romantic partner. Do assume that they are still grieving their lost loved one while in a relationship with their new partner.

Showing Love with a DIY Care Package For a Grieving Friend

Here are some individual gift or care package ideas and my recommendations:

Spark in stillness
Soul in silence
✕